written on December 21, 2005
|Today marks the second anniversary of my mom, Ruby's, death. I tried to not post to family and friends about it this year, as I
had done last year…maybe hoping that the pain would be less if I didn’t… but I have found that the pain is still there…
I also found out something else… in my mom, there is life. She gave so much of herself to everyone and to life every day. Of course she had her down days and would tell you that she wasn’t really Wonder-Woman.. but those that knew and love her know better… she was… She was the woman that did it all. Yet she stayed so grounded to her family.
Mom believed in doing things right the first time… she believed in being honest… she believed in living in the loving memory of those that have passed before you.
She is not gone, not really ever gone. Not being able to see her or feel her, or give her a hug… that is the hard part of her passing. Knowing that her memory must live on in our hearts and minds… is something that is both bitter sweet.
Bitter Sweet is something that I thought I had understood… but I guess I never did until now. When my mom passed away December 21, 2003 it was a very hard day. The decision to let her go to be with my two brothers and to be with God. It was not something that we wanted to do, yet we all knew we had to. She deserved to be happy yet again, to be young again, to be free of pain that we could not fix, but pain that we could help go away. It was a bitter sweet day that December day… and every day since then.
Looking back at my moms life, though I didn’t always agree with her, she always loved us kids and she always took care of us. She had our best interest at heart. She loved my Dad more than any of us really knew. For 47 years she stood by his side, first as his girlfriend, then his wife, but always as his Love. I remember thinking how strong she was when my brother Ricky died as a young child, and how hard that must have been for her. But it dawned on me, she was able to be strong because she had my father by her side and kids that needed her love too. That one day she would see her first son again and that their time would be wonderful.
There is a song by Martina McBride called “In My Daughters Eyes”. When I hear it I think of my mom. I think of how her kids carry on her memory. We will try to do the best we can to honor her life, to continue to make her proud of us. That song brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it.. .yet I can’t turn it off because I want to remember her.
I want the people I know to learn about this Wonder-Woman in my life. This person that was so tiny, but so big in spirit. When the chips fell, she always picked them back up… and did it with a smile on her face. She always knew things would get better… because someone always had it worse.
So, how did I remember my mom on this bitter-sweet anniversary? I spent the day with my Dad. We did something he has never done… we went bowling. It was nice to get out and do something a little different from every day life and to remember that though my mom is gone, living life is how she would have wanted it. To remember the good times and enjoy life and love. To never give up on true happiness… and to remember that, one day we will all meet our loved ones across that Bridge.
May you all have a safe Merry Christmas. Take a minute to call that friend, or that loved one that you haven’t talked to in some time… Tomorrow may be too late… but today is just the beginning.
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